Queen is depressed

The Queen was a little cross that morning. Certainly the newspapers seemed to have started a sort of silly autumn season. The only consolation was that the weather in Italy was glorious- a sort of Indian summer while Britain was cool and wet. She picked up one paper after another a little disconsolately.

The stories in the press depressed her and even the gorgeous coffee did little to raise her spirits. She sometimes wondered how on earth she could be Queen of a nation who :-

1. Headlines with 'aghast' and 'shocked' because a pelican had eaten a pigeon in a park and everybody from parents, grannies and babysitters were totally freaked out.

2. Borat's politically incorrect film was getting great reviews. Photos of Sacha Baron Cohen arriving in a battered station wagon - she thought nostalgically of elegant galas and premieres.

3.The one millionth photograph of the Cheshire cat 'Call me Tony' leaving for Parliament with all his yellow post-its sticking out from an elegant folder - the very model of a model Prime Minister. She felt a vague nausea - too much coffee or too much of a PM who was like a leech sucking the blood of the nation?

4. Demi Moore had had her knees done by a brilliant plastic surgeon. There was a lengthy debate on the aesthetic aspects of sagging or scarring. It was almost raised to a moral and ethical debate.

The Press Secretary entered and seeing the article on Demi Moore laughed

"To sag or to scar, that is the question !"

"Why don't we plan a trip to Rome - I could do you a splendid Rome tour after you have seen Romano Prodi"suggested the Press Secretary.

It was at that point that they turned to each other startled by the sound of what seemed like the hum of roller skates in the corridor.